My goal is to write things so spectacular, so magnificent that they create euphoria in others. My writing will be superb. Everyone will feel threatened by me. They will want to know my secrets. They will beg me to teach them, to learn about my brilliance as a writer. Publishers will plead with me to write for them, bribing me with extraordinary amounts of money.
My writing will breech all confines of today’s genres. By May, genres will conform to what I do. I will mix biography with science fiction, non-fiction with fantasy. They will wonder what has happened to them to have gone so far askew from their original meaning. People will be astounded at their own stupidity for thinking that books could only belong in one genre.
Said writing will be a mixture of prose and art. The internet will be a must if you wish to view the books correctly. Yes, I said books, for there will be several. You will be able to view pictures, listen to songs that go along with the story, as well as being transported into an alternate universe.
It will not flow effortlessly – not at first. Improvements must be made. For one, grammar must go from atrocious to dazzling. Descriptions of people, houses, or any other place will need to improve drastically. My gift of describing people’s feelings so eloquently will become even more exceptional
Many edits will be done. Editing will not be a chore but a fun exercise to perfect the most perfect writing. It will help verbs come alive, adjectives become exciting. No word will be untouched in the thesaurus. However, if a word is used one too many times, it will be immediately deleted.
But soon, over these few, blessed months, the ink will flow easy. It will be natural, like a dance. No one will care what I write; they will simply adore everything that I put into print.
In the following list, you will come to know how exactly I plan to do all this.
1) Many thesauruses will be bought.
2) Instead of eating lunch, writing will take over that hour.
3) Edits will be done (multiple times) when studying should be.
4) Anything and everything that hints at writing will be read over many times. It will soak into one’s brain – eventually – and help one’s writing immensely.
5) No one will know exactly what we are doing. No outside help from a human will be allowed. This will guard the secret to fantastic writing forever.
6) Any type of description exercise will be done twice a day. No one can describe the same thing twice.
7) Punishments will be harsh toward anyone who neglects to perform as well as I.
So, who is up for the challenge? Who wants to become the best writer known to man? To have flawlessly edited work? To have people begging for you to teach them? Have an excellent, varied portfolio of work? Does this sound like you? If it does, join me in becoming the best writers in the world. You know you want to.
